And the Greatest of These Is Love

If you didn't already know, this transition has been difficult.  Probably the most difficult transition of my life.  While Jay's death was more heartbreaking, I had work, friends, and church to distract me.  About half of this move has been done alone - at least physically alone - and that has upped the difficulty quotient for me.  One week of isolation is a dream vacation.  Three weeks of isolation is not.

I have felt rejection here in a number of ways: no one will hire me, no one has yet referred clients to me, even the ministry doors I thought would open and bring like-minded community have been slow to do so.  It feels like Kentucky, itself, has rejected me.  People tell me this is normal and I have been spoiled previously.  :-)  The problem is not so much the feeling of rejection, but where that feeling leads if not kept in check - namely bitterness.

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day.  I wined, cried, and threw a pity party.  I also reached out for help, calling and emailing people who might be able to help me refocus and searching online for groups to join or mid-week church events.  I found a couple of groups (via meetup.com) that I plan to check out and I found a church that had a worship night scheduled for tonight.  My friends reminded me to think like a missionary and not despise the day of small beginnings.  They both reminded me of my worth and the necessity to push through the hard stuff (grow up, though they were too nice to be quite so blunt).

Tonight I went to the worship night, hungry.  The second song of the worship set was "Oceans".  For those of you who don't know the lyrics, check it out on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJJJkiRukY - they had a young guy get up and rap in the middle.  It must have been original because I cannot find that same rap anywhere.  It was so powerful.  The perfect song to bring me back to center.

So I sang, I bowed. I repented. I re-centered. And God spoke.

He assured me that He has a purpose for my being in Kentucky but before I can be used in the way(s) He intends, I need to fall in love with the people here.  My feeling rejected triggered bitterness.  Love does not grow in fields of bitterness or judgment.  It feeds on sacrifice and selflessness. I learn to love the people of Kentucky or I am nothing but a clanging cymbal.

This has become my plan of action.  Begin to pray and intercede for the people of Kentucky.  Ask God what He sees here - what is He proud of? what breaks His heart? what does He envision for the people of Kentucky?

"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing." I Corinthians 13:1-3